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reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
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reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine samuraibartender@chopstixhouston.com
The Samurai Bartender was once a lost soul who's found his way. Now with the clarity of wisdom and a celestial appreciation for fermented Asian elixir (a.k.a. booze), he shares it in the only way he knows how...blunt, tough and always cursing like a sailor.
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine I just want y'all to know, I'm currently writing this with a massive hangover that comes from hours of excessive suicidal drinking...all of which is based on my [explicit] of an ex-wife bleeding me for child support and ailmony. Don't be surprised if one of these days I'll bang out a column on how to mix a lethally poisoned martini to use on her. I'm not joking. I'll be going to prison with a smile.

Alright, I gotta write this thing.

Keep in mind I got a hangover so I may or may not make sense. I don't believe in second drafts. This is all raw. This is me. Like it or leave. I don't give a [explicit]. I'm divorced. Nothing scares me anymore.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine

'Kay, we're talking Mai Tais in this column.

Here's what you need to know, hosting a house party, Mai Tais are irresistable and makes you a responsible host. Now I know lately all that's came out of my piehole are fruity drinks, and I promise next time I'll focus more on a man's drink, but serving fruity drinks make you popular. Besides, ain't nothing wrong with a man drinking mai tais. That's a vacation and retirement drink. It makes you think of Maui.

Here's another reason: Mai Tais are flexible. So first, what you knuckleheads need to know is how to hit up an original Mai Tai.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine

Here's what you'll need (Original Formula): - 2 ounces of rum over shaved ice
- A lime
- 1/2 ounce of Holland DeKuyper Orange Curacao
- 1/4 ounce of Trader Vic's Rock Candy Syrup
- 1/2 ounce of French Garier Orgeat Syrup

For the rum, I prefer Martinique, but a lot of people prefer J. Wray and Nephew. I don't like J. Wray and Nephew because it's got that twang to it that diminshes the overall effect. In other words, it's the most commercial way to pull it off. [Explicit] it. Just go with what you feel is best. You can even pull it off with dime-store rum.

So pour all that into a jigger, squeeze the lime out of every juice it has with it, and shake. I showed how to use a jigger in one of my former columns. If you're going to want a sweeter one, add more of the Trader Vic.

Alright, you're done. Invite a lot of people over, get yourself some action.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine

But I ain't done.

There's other ways to make Mai Tais. The original way is boring and unimaginative. So let me give you a Samurai Bartender exclusive. I personally don't like the Orgeat Syrup, so I switch it to Amaretto. Then, I adapt the Martinique with some added Myer's rum. In 2004, I added a lemon squeeze with the lime, and rather than orange I switched to pineapple juice in 2006. To top it off, I've been slipping in some vanilla syrup since 1999 (at a countdown party, no less).

The formula for the Samurai Bartender's Mai Tai:
- 1 ounce of Martinuque rum over shaved ice
- 1 ounce of Myer's rum over shaved ice
- A lime
- A lemon
- 1/2 ounce of Pineapple Juice
- 1/4 ounce of Trader Vic's Rock Candy Syrup
- 1/2 ounce of Amaretto Syrup
- 1 teaspoon of Vanilla Syrup

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine

You can mix and match all kinds of different Mai Tais. That's the beauty of it. Make sure there's rum, lime or lemon, some type of citris fruit juice (although I've had it done with non-citrus too) and syrup. Experiement with different kinds of rum. There's, like, thousands of them so [explicit] have fun with learning that. Guys tend to lean more toward bitter, girls more toward sweeter. Be brave, be unconventional, have fun. Life is too short. Drink and screw, drink and screw, repeat. That's the alpha motto. Best of the best. Take no [explicit] from anyone. Make some new [explicit] and trailblaze. Men follow men who do that. Alpha alpha alpha. It's about conquering and plowing with no conscious.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine

Speaking of alpha, I knocked this column out in half-an-hour with a hangover. [Explicit] I'm a stud. Now go throw a house party and make some Mai Tais. Come back in 15 days and I'll show you more gimmicks to make fake friends and develop one-night stands with the fantastic power of alcohol. I gotta take a dump now. Later.


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reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
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reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Drinks That Seduce
The Samurai Bartender defines what it feels like to be a man and how these six Asian cocktails seduce women. Do they work? Satisfaction and results may vary.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
How to Bar Fight
What happens when you get into a bar fight? You know the Samurai Bartender's answer: never back away! The tips on the bar fight will fascinate you from hitting hard and fast to fighting dirty.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Mai Tai Mix-Ups
Mai Tais are popular, tasty and flexible to try mixing the formula up. The Samurai Bartender writes with a hangover as he describes his take on the original version versus his own Mai Tai.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Umeshu: Something for the Ladies
Umeshu is a ladies charmer, according to the Samurai Bartender. With its fruity taste and deceptively strong alcohol content, this article is written with all the candor that the mouthy drinks expert is famous for!

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Asian Cocktail Championships
The Asian Cocktail Championships are entertaining battles between Asia's greatest bartenders in Macau! Watch juggling and magic acts while mixing up your favorite drinks. The Samurai Bartender explains the aspirations of a true professional.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
The Making of a Black Samurai
The Samurai Bartender mixes a warrior's drink that involves the mixing of sake with soy sauce. A bitter and hard drink, the Black Samurai builds character and courage

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Azumi Ichi: The Greatest
The Samurai Bartender reveals the rarest and greatest sake of all, the Azumi Ichi found in a tiny island in northern Japan and nowhere else.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Best Asian Country for Beer
Which Asian country has the best beer? The Samurai Bartender uses the three basic techniques for proper beer critique to determine that answer. Find out how to use sight, smell and taste to see what makes good beer.

reviews restaurants asian chopstix houston chinatown food foodie online magazine
Sake Drinking Games
The Samurai Bartender gives off his personal twists to some classic sake drinking games. Hold your breath as the foul-mouthed bartender pulls no punches when it comes to explaining his view of the Asian drinking world.

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